What do you do?
A poem by Emily Maye Sweer
What do you do when you don’t know what to say?
Do you react?
Do you wait?
Thinking deeply, passively?
I am at the point of breaking – a breaking point. Well, not breaking: shattering. A shattering point.
I want to express myself: completely, emotionally, openly.
But, I can’t.
I can’t allow myself to break down these walls I’ve built. Years of building; manual labor on my part.
If I let myself feel more, I will feel upset, angry, negative. If I ignore these impulses, I may benefit from letting it all go.
What does it mean to let it go?
I feel everything. I physically feel everything.
When I am anxious or nervous, my body reacts. Then, all I want to do is talk and vent, but I can’t find the right words to say, or the right time to react.
I have been holding it all in… all my feelings have been remaining in my brain, waiting to jump out and attack the next victim. I cannot ignore them. But, I refuse to let them loose and out of control.
I do not know how to live in a world in which I cannot control anything that happens. All of these emotions and feelings I hold so dear to me come at a price.
Every time I try to open my doors, something inside me hides the keys.
So, what do I do when I don’t know what to say?
I will let you know the next time I feel vulnerable, if you can wait ten seconds.